In our last installment, I drew the conclusion that the whole “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” thing sounds catchy, but I’d be much more likely to use Mecury and Pluto as points of galactic reference. It’s that great of a divide. We also looked at the different, and sometimes bizarre ways that men communicate. Now we turn our attention to the female of the species, which makes for an equally interesting case study.
Women obviously communicate differently than men, and this author (who is male) is convinced we would do well to learn from them. When we’re on the same wavelength, it makes discussion and disagreement that much easier. Women are often derided for talking as much as they do, but we never stop to consider that the reason they do it is to provide a sense of connection.
Your lady (wife, girlfriend, bestie, whatever) wants to talk, about things that are bothering her, about things that are bothering you, about problems that need resolution. Women also view talking as a means of dissipating and diluting the negative energy that surrounds a given issue. They do not enjoy being told to get over it, or being made to feel that their feelings do not matter.
In addition, be forewarned that conversation with a woman may have no set roadmap, rather it is likely to be a long, rambling, digressing, and generally frustrating experience, but one that is absolutely essential. Make it a point to give her your time and complete attention, even if that is hard to do.
Don’t worry about trying to be Mr. Fix-It. That’s how we men are, we have to fix everything and make it just so. That is not necessarily what your lady wants when she is sharing a problem or issue with you. Many times, she just wants you to listen, and believe it or not, many times that is enough for her. Women are not by nature helpless (as we would so often like to believe). They are self sufficient, motivated, and perfectly happy finding their own solutions to various problems.
Women generally enjoy expressing their thoughts out loud because it helps them to get a grip on what is going on in their own thoughts and hearts. I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to be tuned in and attentive to your lady’s needs in this area. They are also likely to pick over details, which unfortunately is misconstrued by many of us with X/Y chromosomes as an interrogation or grungy nitpicking. Quite the opposite, women are just drawn to details and like to talk them through, so resist the urge to get your back up and instead pick out some details of your own to comment about, such as the shoes she is wearing or the color eye shadow that she is experimenting with.
Ladies also tend to minimize how upset they really are, so if you can demonstrate that you are willing to talk to them about whatever the problem is, you are going to go far. They love to know that you are tuned into their needs and struggles. Don’t fall for it when she says “I’m fine” and proceed straight to Sports Center on ESPN. Recognize that something is amiss and gently prod her to come out with it. She may feign annoyance, but most women will appreciate the fact that you care enough to probe a little deeper.
If your lady prefers to talk more to her friends about her problems, don’t take it personally. Women are of a like mind, and much like they don’t understand or “get” the reason that men who are supposed to be friends trash talk each other, we tend not to understand a woman’s attraction to her friends. Women totally understand that we are clueless when it comes to what makes women tick, so don’t get your boxers in a bunch when she behaves accordingly. It’s not aimed at you.
As Rose said in TITANIC, “a woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets”, and the waters that make it up are not easily navigated. Just let your lady know that you are there for her, and willing to communicate as she needs, and you will go far.